put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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