Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
