I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
