corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
