do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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