Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
