"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
