It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
