If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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