Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
