It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
