Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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