If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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