Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
