She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
