Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
