rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
