I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
