I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
