Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
