Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
