The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
