Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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