bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think people are normalizing furries
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize