It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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