Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
