and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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