I cannot find my penis.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
