omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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