soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
