i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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