yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
