so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize