Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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