He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
