were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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