dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
