just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
