Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize