If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
