she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
