Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
