Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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