Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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