i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
