i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
