wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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