I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
