Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
