You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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