508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
