im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
