I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize