STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
