then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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