2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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