I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
