I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
