Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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