sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
