you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
