There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
