Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
