nut hugger
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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