defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
