I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
