Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
