I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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