He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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