just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
