Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize