That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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