There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
