That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
