just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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