My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
someone owes me an orgasm
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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