I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
