I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
my liver is dry heaving
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
